Everybody understands the pain of trying to co parent with a narcissist.
It is a lonely battle you are fighting on your own, especially when a narcissistic parent will bend the rules just to spite you.
You want the children in bed at 9am? Don’t even think about it. A parent with narcissistic personality will keep the children up late.
Children struggling in school? They begin showing symptoms of anxiety? Teachers are concerned, and your ex spouse is loving it.
Don’t be fooled by the “shock” of their children falling behind in school, it is nothing more than a cry for attention and /or the beginning of a false smear campaign against you.
I’m not going to lie to you, protecting your children from the abuse of sharing custody with a narcissist is not easy.
Along the way, I have learned the best ways to make sure our child benefits from having at least one sane parent as guidance.
From responding to a narcissist co parent, to teaching your kids about it. I’ve made mistakes so you don’t have to.
First, let’s look at the signs that you are co parenting with a narcissist.
10 signs you are co parenting with a narcissist
Just because you do not like your child’s parent and your ex-spouse is showing certain symptoms, it does not mean they have a narcissistic personality disorder.
However, if you can put a checkmark on all, or most, of this list…you are most definitely dealing with a narcissistic parent.
Are you parenting with a Narcissist?
- Lacks empathy towards children
- Does not want children to become independent
- Only concerned for the children’s talents if it makes them look good
- Will put children in extracurricular activities during your parenting time
- Will push for activities on the child they couldn’t do when they were younger, exhausting the children. Example: Excessive Dance Classes
- Smear campaigns at schools/daycares against you
- Negative talk about your family. Example: Grandma’s isn’t fun is it?
- Will take items for themselves, and send children back without them. Example: clothes, toys, anything that will make you look good or the children will have fun with without them
- Will tell them school is not important, and “play dumb” when they are with you on school days. Ultimately, so you look like the bad parent and they can take the glory of, “fixing the situation”
- discipline the children with neglect if their needs are not met.
Needless to say, the list goes on and on.
I can spend days pointing to the abusive tactics, but let’s figure out what your best route is to handling the bully.
How to get child custody from a Narcissist
Look at all of the abusive tactics that you can show to a judge. You will definitely get custody of your child and protect them from all the mental abuse, right?
Wrong.Unfortunately, a narcissistic parent can be subtle with their moves. Manipulation is something they have crafted since they were a child. Click To Tweet
With that being said, it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. In fact, I myself learned the ropes of how to beat a narcissist in court.
Along with learning how to get children away from a narcissistic ex, you have corruption in the courtroom. Sure, it’s fake news…
Until you are in it.
How to get child custody from a Narcissist
Ann Bradley shows you how to win against a Narcissist in court. Not only does she show the corruption of judges and lawyers from her own experiences, but she also documented it all in a book they begged her not to release.
Do yourself a favor and prepare for court and get the upper hand without any surprises.
Let’s face the facts. The people that are put in power to protect your children are the ones that are doing the abuse.
If you are raised by narcissists, you might have the knowledge of this.
Manipulations from your narcissistic ex can have child protection take the stand against you for something you have not done.
Sometimes, a child protection worker just might not like you and will go out of their way to tear you away from your children.
Do not ever let your guard down, or trust a soul. You are in it for the long run, your ex and her minions are not.
How to co parent with a Narcissist
Nobody is perfect, and I certainly am not.
Before I educated myself on narcissism and understood the severity of it, I made a lot of mistakes in the hopes of protecting my child.
Nonetheless, I learned from both inside and outside the courtroom. Parallel parenting, if you can grasp it, is by far the most successful strategy.
Here are ways that you can keep the bully at bay, and keep you and your child’s mental health in tip-top shape.
Tips for co parenting with a bully
- Emails only. Not only is this good for the court, but it also removes any feelings that you may feel over the phone.
- Make sure your children’s feelings are understood. Always ask them how they feel
- In spite of the dark, be the light they can be for their children. Children watch and learn. So do it right
- Don’t miss a parenting day. Every missed day is a chance for the children to believe the lies that are instilled in their head
- Be active with your children outside, it’s likely they have been inside with your narcissistic ex’s way of life
- Buy your children gifts, show them love and manners. You have to overcompensate for the lack of empathy your narcissistic ex is giving.
- Have a legal parenting document so you can show exactly what is to be enforced
- At drop off time: kiss your children goodbye, tell them you love them and leave. Don’t buy into any comments that may be said to get under your skin
- Don’t drag your kids into your drama, but also let them know what a personality disorder is, and how to protect themselves from it.
- Co Parent in spite of the other parent. Don’t expect any help from a parent with NPD
- Be extremely involved in the school, smear campaigns are common and you want to show what you are instead of telling it
- Only control what you can control. Anything else is a burden on your mental health for no reason
- Therapy and counseling are important so you and the children can get a third party understanding of what you are going through
At last, you have more knowledge than when you started reading this. The challenge of co parenting with a narcissist becomes easier with time.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that your children will eventually see what is upon them.
When this moment comes, you will understand right away if you guided them in the right or the wrong way.
Remember, your narcissistic ex only wants to destroy your child. If something doesn’t feel right, find out what it is.
You don’t want to be looking at your child become everything you don’t want them to be.
It’s up to you to guard them through this complex process without causing damage yourself, and with a bit of knowledge you learn how to have a little fun with a Narcissist’s mind games.
It takes time….but it sure as hell is worth it in the end when you have mastered the art of co parenting with a narcissist.
Trust me, it takes skill.
Now I must go, my narcissistic ex spouse is emailing, and blaming me for her being late to work again…
We haven’t lived together for 5 years.
This tells me that our daughter isn’t putting up with her mind games, so the blame is back on me.
And that only makes me smile.
Entrepreneur, Father to my favorite, and dedicated to helping people get back to themselves after being victims of narcissistic abuse.
- How to destroy a narcissist in court and win January 8, 2021
- Stages of divorcing a Narcissist and the aftermath it brings January 7, 2021
- How to inflict narcissistic injury | narcissistic rage January 1, 2021
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery | emotional trauma December 23, 2020
- Narcissistic Parental Abuse | Protecting your children December 23, 2020